Apparently page 1239 of the new Obama healthcare bill promises some relief for breastfeeding women of America, at least the ones who work for a company with more than 50 employees. I just read an article on CNN about this. The link said "Breastfeeding page 1239 of health law" and showed a picture of a cute little baby. My first thought as I clicked on the link was oh good maybe the health care law has at least one good thing in it. I think breastfeeding in important and like the article said it does tend to be somewhat looked down on in our society. Well the article was all about how it is to hard and embarrassing for working mothers who want to breastfeed to pump milk at work so the companies with more than 50 employees must now provide a private place for them to pump. Nothing wrong with private places to pump - I definitely wouldn't want to sit on the toilet in a bathroom stall and do it. But I thought about this issue a lot and here is what I came up with.
Society and now the government are pushing companies to be more "family friendly". We hear that term a lot, "family friendly", one would think that would mean good for families. It would seem logical to me that a family friendly policy would make it easier to be a good parent and a good spouse. But I have to disagree, many, not all but many, "family friendly" policies, including this one, don't make it easier to to be a good parent it makes it easier for parents to be employees not parents. This whole family friendly issue really creates a big dilemma in my moral thinking. On one hand policies such as this breastfeeding one, paid maternity leave , flexible time off, or on-site day care seem great. Like I said I am a big fan of breastfeeding, I am also a big fan of having children and also of being an involved parent. But these policies also tend to make it easier for parents to spend more and more hours away from their children and to feel less and less guilty about it. And that is not the way that families are strengthened.
A conference talk I listened to came to mind while reading this. It said that Satan doesn't usually interrupt our church services he interrupts our families. I think these type of policies are one way Satan is doing this. It helps mothers be employees, not mothers - it helps mothers not be moms. A baby young enough to be breastfeed needs to cradled in its mothers arms while eating -not given a bottle by some paid day care provider, even if the bottle does contain breast milk pumped in private room at office. Now I know that the ideal of every child having a stay at home mom isn't realistic. There are many families where this just isn't a possibility. But I think in the name of "family friendly" Satan is making it easier for families to destroy themselves.
Friday, April 9, 2010
Monday, April 5, 2010
The Kindy 500
One thing I really hate is assignments for Mom's. I went to kindergarten, I even graduated, I still remember the day, I wore a blue dress with little strawberry looking things on it. So I just don't know why I have to be given an assignment by Ryan's Kindergarten teacher. For the life of me I can't figure that one out (she doesn't have any kids - I think this is a pretty important fact in the solving the puzzle.) She told us in January that we needed to start making a car out of a card board box. The directions suggested we let our 5 year old do as much of it as possible with a little help from us. The thing is they showed the movie from last years kindy 500 - I am no fool I know those cars were not made by 5 year olds. My 5 year old has a hard time drawing a recognizable car with a crayon let alone take a toilet paper box and transform it into a jeep he can ride in.
In January I showed Rick the assignment and suggested this would be a great Father son activity. He whole heartily agreed and planned to get right on it. Well he was still planning to get right on it when last Monday came around- so with 4 days left before it was due a little mother son time was in order. Rick had helped Ryan pick out what kind of vehicle to make, a jeep, so we at least had an idea to work with. We searched the Internet for images we could use for a design and then started construction. The first thing we had to do was cut the box. I had Ryan bring me a knife, he successfully carried it into the living room without cutting anything. That success didn't last long. So for the sake of all of our fingers and the carpet I made a rule I was the only one who could cut. He tried holding things for me and he fetched and carried but that wasn't his favorite job and I can sympathize since that is Rick's idea of a suitable job for me when we work on a project together - and it drives me crazy. So I sent him off to play and cut and folded card board for the next several hours till I ran out of ideas, and duct tape so I had to call it quits. I had managed to fashion a somewhat recognizable jeep. The jeep needed tires and a paint job so I took Ryan to the home depot and let him pick out some spray paint. He did a good job with that part. Next we stopped at DI and got some records to use as wheels. That right there was the most educational part of the assignment for Ryan - he now knows what came before tapes and cd's.
Later that night after getting the rest of the kids to bed I took Ryan out to teach him how to spray paint, but after realizing he wasn't so good at pointing the spray nozzle in the general direction of the jeep I gave up. By this point it was pretty late, my bed was calling me and my patience was long spent so I just did it myself.
Next came the tires. We thought the tires needed to be a little thicker than a record so we searched for something that we could attach to the record that would help it stand out a little and kind of look like a tire. We hit upon the idea of Styrofoam but had a hard time finding some. At walmart I spotted some pool noodles. Pool noodles could be bent into a circle and painted black, the texture was even similar to the tread of a tire. Perfect I thought. Well pool noodles are kind of hard to attach to anything - even themselves. They don't sew well, even liquid nail is no match for them, finally a combination of duct tape and hot glue seemed to do the trick.
Well a few more coats of paint and a few lights later the jeep was ready to go. Which was a good thing because it was due the next morning. I had Ryan try it on and take a few pictures which went great. He looked good and so did the jeep, a few minutes later it was time to load the jeep into the car and head over to the school. The tires, all four of them, immediately fell off. Apparently hot glue does not hold pool noodles together as well as I had thought. Well with only a few minutes to go I decided I better screw them in. I got some big screws and shoved them through the tire and into the cardboard box. This worked well - only problem was that it left 4 very long, very exposed, and very sharp screws inside the box where my son would be standing. That made me a little nervous but it was late enough the only thing I could do was pray we wouldn't need to make an emergency trip to the ER for some stitches before the day was out. All went well. The program was cute, Ryan loved his jeep, the wheels were still attached when I picked him up after school and most importantly no flesh had been cut. So all in all it was a success, and when Ryan gets his kindergarten diploma in a few weeks I will know a little piece of it is mine.
In January I showed Rick the assignment and suggested this would be a great Father son activity. He whole heartily agreed and planned to get right on it. Well he was still planning to get right on it when last Monday came around- so with 4 days left before it was due a little mother son time was in order. Rick had helped Ryan pick out what kind of vehicle to make, a jeep, so we at least had an idea to work with. We searched the Internet for images we could use for a design and then started construction. The first thing we had to do was cut the box. I had Ryan bring me a knife, he successfully carried it into the living room without cutting anything. That success didn't last long. So for the sake of all of our fingers and the carpet I made a rule I was the only one who could cut. He tried holding things for me and he fetched and carried but that wasn't his favorite job and I can sympathize since that is Rick's idea of a suitable job for me when we work on a project together - and it drives me crazy. So I sent him off to play and cut and folded card board for the next several hours till I ran out of ideas, and duct tape so I had to call it quits. I had managed to fashion a somewhat recognizable jeep. The jeep needed tires and a paint job so I took Ryan to the home depot and let him pick out some spray paint. He did a good job with that part. Next we stopped at DI and got some records to use as wheels. That right there was the most educational part of the assignment for Ryan - he now knows what came before tapes and cd's.
Later that night after getting the rest of the kids to bed I took Ryan out to teach him how to spray paint, but after realizing he wasn't so good at pointing the spray nozzle in the general direction of the jeep I gave up. By this point it was pretty late, my bed was calling me and my patience was long spent so I just did it myself.
Next came the tires. We thought the tires needed to be a little thicker than a record so we searched for something that we could attach to the record that would help it stand out a little and kind of look like a tire. We hit upon the idea of Styrofoam but had a hard time finding some. At walmart I spotted some pool noodles. Pool noodles could be bent into a circle and painted black, the texture was even similar to the tread of a tire. Perfect I thought. Well pool noodles are kind of hard to attach to anything - even themselves. They don't sew well, even liquid nail is no match for them, finally a combination of duct tape and hot glue seemed to do the trick.
Well a few more coats of paint and a few lights later the jeep was ready to go. Which was a good thing because it was due the next morning. I had Ryan try it on and take a few pictures which went great. He looked good and so did the jeep, a few minutes later it was time to load the jeep into the car and head over to the school. The tires, all four of them, immediately fell off. Apparently hot glue does not hold pool noodles together as well as I had thought. Well with only a few minutes to go I decided I better screw them in. I got some big screws and shoved them through the tire and into the cardboard box. This worked well - only problem was that it left 4 very long, very exposed, and very sharp screws inside the box where my son would be standing. That made me a little nervous but it was late enough the only thing I could do was pray we wouldn't need to make an emergency trip to the ER for some stitches before the day was out. All went well. The program was cute, Ryan loved his jeep, the wheels were still attached when I picked him up after school and most importantly no flesh had been cut. So all in all it was a success, and when Ryan gets his kindergarten diploma in a few weeks I will know a little piece of it is mine.
A professional scientist?
As you may recall, if you read my blog, that Taylor decided to find out which kind of soda would rot your teeth the fastest. His science fair project did well and he won at his school level, moved on to the district level where he did well enough to advance to the next level. It was held at BYU. Once again it wasn't the most convenient event to take him to - it was held over 2 days and we of course had several scheduling conflicts but we made it happen. Taylor was so excited to go and there was no talking him out of this fair - because of two things. He got to skip school and they served lunch. His standard response when asked if he wants to go to something is, "Do they have refreshments" The answer to that question always determines if he wants to go. , In fact I was praying for a new revelation during conference last weekend - I was hoping they would start serving refreshments at church. Many Churches do it, we could serve hot chocolate and danishes in the cultural hall after primary - I bet attendance would go up. I know that Sunday would surely rise from 7th to somewhere near the top on our kids list of favorite days of the week.
Well Taylor went to the fair - ate a bunch of pizza and snacks and walked away with 3rd place in his division. There were several 3rd place winners but out of 1000's of projects it was a great accomplishment. 3rd place also wins 20 dollars, so he has now been paid for his scientific mind- does that make him a professional scientist- I am not sure, but it sure made for a real celebration at the Carter house.
Well Taylor went to the fair - ate a bunch of pizza and snacks and walked away with 3rd place in his division. There were several 3rd place winners but out of 1000's of projects it was a great accomplishment. 3rd place also wins 20 dollars, so he has now been paid for his scientific mind- does that make him a professional scientist- I am not sure, but it sure made for a real celebration at the Carter house.
Sunday, March 7, 2010
Primary
Primary is always an adventure. I have the 5 year olds - 13 of them - all active. We have a good mix of shy kids, rowdy kids, criers, talkers, pinchers and a few in between. We have one girl who is a real riot. Her name is Jasmine. She is very cute. She likes to answer every question ask whether she knows the answer of not. She is very friendly and likes to play with and touch everyone who sits next to her. She is very polite in her disruptions. She always says excuse me but I need to ask you something. Well today in the middle of a discussion on proper prayer etiquette she said, "excuse me but I have a question" We had all been practicing folding our arms and bowing our heads. The room was actually pretty reverent which is somewhat rare. We all looked up at her as she asked,"did you know that this finger means a bad word" holding up her middle finger. The class came alive. "That is very bad", someone said, "That's the swearing finger", someone else piped up. Well everyone had to try out pointing with their "swearing finger". So we had a whole room full of kids holding up their middle finger exclaiming how bad it was and how we should never do it because it is like using the "badest"swear word. It took a while to get back on how to reverently talk to our Father in Heaven but we finally had it under control and were taking turns telling what we could thank Him for when Kaylee the shyest girl I have ever known squeaked out "body". "What did she say' Wyatt wanted to know. I think he was impressed she spoke - I think this is the first time I have heard her talk. She was not about to say it again so I said "Body". Well I guess he didn't hear right because he said "That's Olivia's mom - are we thankful for her. "Not Bonnie", I said "Body". Jasmine wanting to be helpful stood up and said (in her not so quite voice) "Body you know, like (she is wiggling her arms and legs) and "YOU KNOW" she said her eyes big at him sticking out her bum and pointing at it and laughing. That of course set off everyone laughing at the thought of being thankful for our bums. That pretty much wrapped up the class there was really no way to get back on track after that so we just colored our picture and went home. I have sure learned some pretty interesting things in primary.
Saturday, February 27, 2010
Science Fair
Just a little update on the science fair. The district competition was last Wednesday. Wednesday is not a good day for me to have a science fair. I was wondering how I could fit it all in. I reminded him that it was 5 hours long and that he would be sitting there most of the time just waiting. I told him I wouldn't be able to be there the whole time. I reminded him that it was stiff competition and not to feel bad if he didn't win. I asked him if he was sure he wanted to go. I prayed he wouldn't but then felt really guilty. He had one question. Do they serve refreshments. "Uhh - no" I said, "no refreshments - just sitting in the gym waiting to be judged and everyone looking at your project." He said he would think about it. He came home from school and said "Dane is going so I am too." Great I thought - what a nightmare this is going to be. Well Wednesday morning rolled around, Rachel was sick and my throat was killing. I couldn't leave Rachel with so I knew I couldn't get a babysitter. I racked my brain for a good solution but never came up with one. So as soon as Taylor walked in from school I took him and Rachel over to the Jr. High. I left Dallin, Ryan and Anna home and gave them strict instructions to stay downstairs and watch a movie and not get off the couch or answer the phone. I programmed my cell number in the phone and made Dallin hold the phone just in case he needed to call me.
We got Taylor all registered and set up and then I left him with my other cell phone, his homework and a book to read and told him to sit there do his homework and not leave the room. I needn't have bothered with those instructions because he never got out his homework and he later told me how he and Dane explored the school. I went home and my cub scout boys came over to carve soap. One of my least favorite cub activities. I was praying no one would cut themselves but I had bandaids just in case. I looked over and Josh was hold his finger blood was everywhere and he was silently crying. When I looked at him he whispered - I cut my finger. A bandaid wouldn't cut it. I wrapped it and a towel and called his mom. She came and took him to the hospital. I cleaned up the blood and prayed I wouldn't get sued. For some reason a couple moms forgot to come pick up their sons. This has never happened before usually they are waiting while we scramble to get done in time. Well today I had Rachel in the car waiting in the driveway for the last boy to leave so I could got and check on Taylor. I was feeling guilty for leaving him over there all by himself. I was hoping to get there before he was judged but didn't' make it. He was having fun though but was getting hungry - I was feeling awful and had no desire to make dinner so Rachel and I went to Carls Jr picked up some dinner, dropped some off for Taylor then went home and fed the kids. I was also feeling very guilty about leaving the other kids home by themselves - I have never left Dallin babysitting for even close to this long before, but since I couldn't come up with any other solutions and my head was hurting too much to care much about anything I just left.
I took Ryan and Rachel back for the award ceremony. We had to park on the far end of the school, it felt like it was at least a mile away as I was carrying my sick baby and dragging Ryan with the snow falling all over us. I was really nervous for Taylor, I wanted him to win but didn't expect it- there were about 100 entries and only about 20 went on to the next level. Taylor was one of them. When they called his name and he jumped 6 feet out of his chair and ran up on stage I was glad he hadn't listened as I tried to persuade him not to compete.
By the time we got home I felt like death would be a welcome relief. The thermometer said my temperature was about 103 but I was shivering and my teeth were audible chattering. I had the kids get ready for bed, we read scriptures and had the family prayer. I crawled into bed and let the kids play computer games for a while until bedtime. When 9:30 rolled around I told them to turn it off and go to bed. It came out in a whisper - I think they heard me but it was pretty obvious I wouldn't put up much of a fight so they just completely ignored me. I mentally willed them to go to bed and begged for the next hour. Finally sometime between 10:30 and 11:00 the older kids reluctantly went in and got in bed and Ryan and Rachel climbed in bed with me and went to sleep.
I really wanted a drink and some medicine but didn't think I could make it to the kitchen. I really wanted to someone to come take care of me. I kept thinking Rick will walk in any minute. He didn't. The phone finally rang a little after midnight - it woke me up but I didn't get up to get it. I knew it was Rick saying he was leaving work. It rang until the machine came on and then my cell phone rang. My cell is louder and right next to Rachel, she woke up. I silenced it laid it down and coaxed her back to sleep and waited the 1/2 hour it took for Rick to drive home. He came home exhausted, he did bring me some medicine before he went in the other room and went to bed. I fought with the tears a little but the medicine did finally bring sleep.
So anyway amazingly enough the judges deemed Taylor's project good enough to move on and compete at the next level. I believe it is all of Utah Valley that goes to this level, it is held over a couple days at BYU. He is really excited to go. He read the agenda and about flipped out. The most exciting part is he gets to miss school and they provide refreshments. It's always about the food for him, if they serve refreshments he's there. Too bad he got that from his mother.
We got Taylor all registered and set up and then I left him with my other cell phone, his homework and a book to read and told him to sit there do his homework and not leave the room. I needn't have bothered with those instructions because he never got out his homework and he later told me how he and Dane explored the school. I went home and my cub scout boys came over to carve soap. One of my least favorite cub activities. I was praying no one would cut themselves but I had bandaids just in case. I looked over and Josh was hold his finger blood was everywhere and he was silently crying. When I looked at him he whispered - I cut my finger. A bandaid wouldn't cut it. I wrapped it and a towel and called his mom. She came and took him to the hospital. I cleaned up the blood and prayed I wouldn't get sued. For some reason a couple moms forgot to come pick up their sons. This has never happened before usually they are waiting while we scramble to get done in time. Well today I had Rachel in the car waiting in the driveway for the last boy to leave so I could got and check on Taylor. I was feeling guilty for leaving him over there all by himself. I was hoping to get there before he was judged but didn't' make it. He was having fun though but was getting hungry - I was feeling awful and had no desire to make dinner so Rachel and I went to Carls Jr picked up some dinner, dropped some off for Taylor then went home and fed the kids. I was also feeling very guilty about leaving the other kids home by themselves - I have never left Dallin babysitting for even close to this long before, but since I couldn't come up with any other solutions and my head was hurting too much to care much about anything I just left.
I took Ryan and Rachel back for the award ceremony. We had to park on the far end of the school, it felt like it was at least a mile away as I was carrying my sick baby and dragging Ryan with the snow falling all over us. I was really nervous for Taylor, I wanted him to win but didn't expect it- there were about 100 entries and only about 20 went on to the next level. Taylor was one of them. When they called his name and he jumped 6 feet out of his chair and ran up on stage I was glad he hadn't listened as I tried to persuade him not to compete.
By the time we got home I felt like death would be a welcome relief. The thermometer said my temperature was about 103 but I was shivering and my teeth were audible chattering. I had the kids get ready for bed, we read scriptures and had the family prayer. I crawled into bed and let the kids play computer games for a while until bedtime. When 9:30 rolled around I told them to turn it off and go to bed. It came out in a whisper - I think they heard me but it was pretty obvious I wouldn't put up much of a fight so they just completely ignored me. I mentally willed them to go to bed and begged for the next hour. Finally sometime between 10:30 and 11:00 the older kids reluctantly went in and got in bed and Ryan and Rachel climbed in bed with me and went to sleep.
I really wanted a drink and some medicine but didn't think I could make it to the kitchen. I really wanted to someone to come take care of me. I kept thinking Rick will walk in any minute. He didn't. The phone finally rang a little after midnight - it woke me up but I didn't get up to get it. I knew it was Rick saying he was leaving work. It rang until the machine came on and then my cell phone rang. My cell is louder and right next to Rachel, she woke up. I silenced it laid it down and coaxed her back to sleep and waited the 1/2 hour it took for Rick to drive home. He came home exhausted, he did bring me some medicine before he went in the other room and went to bed. I fought with the tears a little but the medicine did finally bring sleep.
So anyway amazingly enough the judges deemed Taylor's project good enough to move on and compete at the next level. I believe it is all of Utah Valley that goes to this level, it is held over a couple days at BYU. He is really excited to go. He read the agenda and about flipped out. The most exciting part is he gets to miss school and they provide refreshments. It's always about the food for him, if they serve refreshments he's there. Too bad he got that from his mother.
19 years ago
It's been 19 years, I don't think about it very often but every once in a while something reminds me. Something very random will happen and my mind goes back - we all do it - funny how your mind holds on to everything, and in an instant memories will flood back washing you with memories and emotions that had lain dormant for years.
I told my kids we could watch a movie, the Incredibles. For some reason the movie wasn't in the case only the dvd with all the extras so we watched it. It was interesting - I enjoyed it. For the most part it was an interview with the man who wrote it. I don't think I had ever seen him before but he looked a little familiar, not like -"oh I know him" but just a hint of something familiar. It nagged at me the entire interview - I racked my brain trying to come up with what it was - to be honest I really don't know if there is anything. And then his name came on the screen. Brad Bird. I never knew a Brad Bird but I did know some Birds and they fit with what I was remembering. I ran upstairs and searched for a bio on Brad. Was he a relative, a cousin maybe- but probably not- realistically I knew there probably was no real connection just the one my mind dreamed up. But I searched anyway, I found several articles on him. He lived in Oregon, the same state my Birds lived in. But that is about the only connection I could find. I started searching for my Birds, I found them and I read old newspaper articles until the memories were exhausting me. I went to bed but not to sleep. Rick came in and saw my search up on the screen. Did you find Ryan Bird he asked. Yes, I said. I think Rick clicked on some face book links for Ryan Bird. Is this him he asked bring up some pictures. No I said. "How do you know" Rick asked still looking. Because he is dead. The Ryan Bird I knew was six, his mom strangled him and dumped his body in an outhouse.
The Ryan Bird I knew loved to play phase 10, he liked peanut butter and jelly sandwiches on the circle bread with the little hole in the middle that his Grandma made. He didn't like the lettuce out of the garden. He liked to play in the barn - it creeped me out but he loved it. He was the prince or the husband in the make believe games his sister dreamed up there under the trampoline where we would play for hours. They were close I don't remember them ever fighting. He loved his sister. She was easy to love. She was very sweet. She wanted to pray, sometimes her mom wouldn't let her. I remember putting her to bed one night. She got in bed and whispered "I can't say my prayers", the way she said it told me she wanted to. She had gotten in trouble and her mom had grounded her from praying. I think she was a little afraid of her mom, I didn't know what to say. I didn't want to suggest that she not obey her mom but I could tell she wanted to pray. I remember telling her - "it's ok, Heavenly Father knows." I just hoped she knew that her Mom couldn't hear her thoughts but God could.
She didn't talk about her mom much, every once in a while she would say a little something about her. They loved to talk about their Dad. I remember Ryan ecstatic over a phone call from him. He lived in Texas, I never met him. I knew life in Texas hadn't been good - that is why they were there with Grandma and Grandpa. But I was only 14 - they didn't tell me a whole lot. Tiffany mentioned little things I wondered at the time if she dreamed up. Now I know she didn't. She told me that closets were scary. She was tied up and that is why they moved. I never heard the whole story, I don't think she comprehended the whole story. But last night I read it in an archived paper from the spring of 1991.
It was that March, a Sunday in the evening. My parents came in and told me Ryan was missing and they had found his bike by a river. They were searching. I wanted to go help look. My mom said no, I was 15. The next morning the newspaper told us they found his body near the coast in an outhouse. We lived about an hour from the coast. I wondered how he got there. I listened as the reports came out I remember hearing how there was dirt in the tires of his mom's car that matched the dirt near the outhouse. I remember hearing that they arrested Tami. I remember hearing when she was convicted of murdering her son. I remember thinking I guess she will never pay me the money she owes me. What a stupid thing to think. I didn't go to the funeral I wish I would have, I didn't really fit. I was too old to be one of Ryan's little friends and to young to be the Grandma's friend. I was just the babysitter. But I spent a lot of time with them and it hurt to know he was gone and my heart ached for Tiffany. I wish I could have seen her again and talked to her - but I didn't, I didn't really know how. My mom told me she saw Tiffany and her Grandma in the locker room at the pool. Tiffany was getting dressed to go swimming. Her Grandma looked up at my mom and said life has to go on. That is the last thing I remember hearing about Tiffany.
I told my kids we could watch a movie, the Incredibles. For some reason the movie wasn't in the case only the dvd with all the extras so we watched it. It was interesting - I enjoyed it. For the most part it was an interview with the man who wrote it. I don't think I had ever seen him before but he looked a little familiar, not like -"oh I know him" but just a hint of something familiar. It nagged at me the entire interview - I racked my brain trying to come up with what it was - to be honest I really don't know if there is anything. And then his name came on the screen. Brad Bird. I never knew a Brad Bird but I did know some Birds and they fit with what I was remembering. I ran upstairs and searched for a bio on Brad. Was he a relative, a cousin maybe- but probably not- realistically I knew there probably was no real connection just the one my mind dreamed up. But I searched anyway, I found several articles on him. He lived in Oregon, the same state my Birds lived in. But that is about the only connection I could find. I started searching for my Birds, I found them and I read old newspaper articles until the memories were exhausting me. I went to bed but not to sleep. Rick came in and saw my search up on the screen. Did you find Ryan Bird he asked. Yes, I said. I think Rick clicked on some face book links for Ryan Bird. Is this him he asked bring up some pictures. No I said. "How do you know" Rick asked still looking. Because he is dead. The Ryan Bird I knew was six, his mom strangled him and dumped his body in an outhouse.
The Ryan Bird I knew loved to play phase 10, he liked peanut butter and jelly sandwiches on the circle bread with the little hole in the middle that his Grandma made. He didn't like the lettuce out of the garden. He liked to play in the barn - it creeped me out but he loved it. He was the prince or the husband in the make believe games his sister dreamed up there under the trampoline where we would play for hours. They were close I don't remember them ever fighting. He loved his sister. She was easy to love. She was very sweet. She wanted to pray, sometimes her mom wouldn't let her. I remember putting her to bed one night. She got in bed and whispered "I can't say my prayers", the way she said it told me she wanted to. She had gotten in trouble and her mom had grounded her from praying. I think she was a little afraid of her mom, I didn't know what to say. I didn't want to suggest that she not obey her mom but I could tell she wanted to pray. I remember telling her - "it's ok, Heavenly Father knows." I just hoped she knew that her Mom couldn't hear her thoughts but God could.
She didn't talk about her mom much, every once in a while she would say a little something about her. They loved to talk about their Dad. I remember Ryan ecstatic over a phone call from him. He lived in Texas, I never met him. I knew life in Texas hadn't been good - that is why they were there with Grandma and Grandpa. But I was only 14 - they didn't tell me a whole lot. Tiffany mentioned little things I wondered at the time if she dreamed up. Now I know she didn't. She told me that closets were scary. She was tied up and that is why they moved. I never heard the whole story, I don't think she comprehended the whole story. But last night I read it in an archived paper from the spring of 1991.
It was that March, a Sunday in the evening. My parents came in and told me Ryan was missing and they had found his bike by a river. They were searching. I wanted to go help look. My mom said no, I was 15. The next morning the newspaper told us they found his body near the coast in an outhouse. We lived about an hour from the coast. I wondered how he got there. I listened as the reports came out I remember hearing how there was dirt in the tires of his mom's car that matched the dirt near the outhouse. I remember hearing that they arrested Tami. I remember hearing when she was convicted of murdering her son. I remember thinking I guess she will never pay me the money she owes me. What a stupid thing to think. I didn't go to the funeral I wish I would have, I didn't really fit. I was too old to be one of Ryan's little friends and to young to be the Grandma's friend. I was just the babysitter. But I spent a lot of time with them and it hurt to know he was gone and my heart ached for Tiffany. I wish I could have seen her again and talked to her - but I didn't, I didn't really know how. My mom told me she saw Tiffany and her Grandma in the locker room at the pool. Tiffany was getting dressed to go swimming. Her Grandma looked up at my mom and said life has to go on. That is the last thing I remember hearing about Tiffany.
Friday, February 19, 2010
Merry Lamb
Rachel really wanted to play "Merry Lamb" I said "Go ahead and play". No one would play with her. She kept pulling on my leg, "I want to play "merry Lamb", no one will play with me -please make them." I was making dinner - I begged Anna - "please just play with Rachel". She just looked at me. Ryan wouldn't either. After quite awhile of begging I told her I would play after I finished dinner - I was hoping she would forget.
She didn't forget. "Let's play Merry Lamb" we were still sitting around the table. To be honest I couldn't even fathom what "merry lamb" was. "What is it" I finally asked mostly to get her to quit. "You know merry lamb", she said. I sang Mary had a little lamb for her - is that what you mean I said. She scoffed, "no - Merry Lamb, like we played that time with Aunt Kristin. Great so Kristin is teaching them dumb little games I don't know what are. Still couldn't figure it out. None of the kids would cooperate and play - I thought of bribing them but couldn't come up with anything to bribe with. So what do we do - I asked Rachel. She got really excited. We have to get pillow cases and presents she said. Remember Ryan and Dallin brings the present, you are the donkey. Anna has to ride you and I am the lamb." I finally got it. "You mean Mary that had a baby and Joseph. Yeah, Yeah - she said finally remembering the rest of the story. I must not have done to good a job teaching the Nativity story because the lamb was more mememorable than the baby - doesn't look to good on my mom scorecard.
Daddy volunteered to be the donkey - he's good at that. Taylor quickly reminded us that he and Dallin were the real "wise men" around here. Anna is an angel- so she gets that role. And Rachel of course got to be Mary. Feeling left out Ryan asked what he could be. I suggested another wise man but Taylor and Dallin said he wasn't wise enough. Luckily he didn't get offended but jumped at the chance to be a shephard. We didn't end up playing but we are all set for next Christmas.
She didn't forget. "Let's play Merry Lamb" we were still sitting around the table. To be honest I couldn't even fathom what "merry lamb" was. "What is it" I finally asked mostly to get her to quit. "You know merry lamb", she said. I sang Mary had a little lamb for her - is that what you mean I said. She scoffed, "no - Merry Lamb, like we played that time with Aunt Kristin. Great so Kristin is teaching them dumb little games I don't know what are. Still couldn't figure it out. None of the kids would cooperate and play - I thought of bribing them but couldn't come up with anything to bribe with. So what do we do - I asked Rachel. She got really excited. We have to get pillow cases and presents she said. Remember Ryan and Dallin brings the present, you are the donkey. Anna has to ride you and I am the lamb." I finally got it. "You mean Mary that had a baby and Joseph. Yeah, Yeah - she said finally remembering the rest of the story. I must not have done to good a job teaching the Nativity story because the lamb was more mememorable than the baby - doesn't look to good on my mom scorecard.
Daddy volunteered to be the donkey - he's good at that. Taylor quickly reminded us that he and Dallin were the real "wise men" around here. Anna is an angel- so she gets that role. And Rachel of course got to be Mary. Feeling left out Ryan asked what he could be. I suggested another wise man but Taylor and Dallin said he wasn't wise enough. Luckily he didn't get offended but jumped at the chance to be a shephard. We didn't end up playing but we are all set for next Christmas.
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