Feeling kind of miserable

We know wickedness never was happiness. Sin bring nothing but misery. My mom has always told me drinking caffeine was a sin. I kinda didn't believe her. Everyone knows its not. I am starting to think maybe she is right. Right now I am miserable. I am feel like crap and I'm considering skipping church.

My path to destruction began late on Tuesday evening. I had procrastinated going to the grocery store to buy some lasagna that was on sale. Ads change on Wednesday so I had to load the three younger kids, who were in their pajamas, into the car and trudge down to the Fresh Market. If it would have been Maceys I could have just waited till they were all asleep but since Fresh Market isn't open 24 hours (which blows my mind-isn't every store worth going to open 24 hours these days) I had to go before close. I had hoped Rick would be home so I could sneak off by myself but he wasn't. Taylor was at a football game. So we went to the the store. They were out of Lasagna. I was mad. I saw some in a woman's cart. I eyed it jealously and wondered how I could get it from her (boy am I full of sin). I politely asked her where she found it and she said, almost in a bragging tone, it was the last one. I should probably admit that she was most likely being polite but in my green with envy state it sounded like she was rubbing it in.

Well the thing was this lasagna - which is one of the only foods (besides pizza) that everyone in my family will eat was a really good deal. It is also my favorite kind of meal - the kind that require no effort on my part. It comes in a box in its own pan so I can pull it straight from the freezer to the oven in less than 15 seconds and when done I can throw it in the trash without doing dishes. That is definitely my favorite kind of meal. So anyway this lasagna was a couple dollars cheaper than usually and (this is the kicker) if you buy it you get a bunch of free stuff. Free french bread, free salad, free cookies and free soda. I like soda, cookies, bread and salad, and I especially like free. So you can see why it was really important I didn't miss this sale.

By this point I was pretty frustrated, my kids were also running around the store, climbing all over the cart, in their pajamas, acting like acrobats that had just escaped from the circus, (or maybe lunatics from the funny farm). So I was also growing more and more embarrassed. I was headed towards the door when a nice young boy (he looked like he was 12 which just shows how old I am getting since he must have been at least 16 to be working there) came pushing a cart of lasagna. He asked me if I was looking for some. I smiled and nodded. He got me some and was kind enough to also help me gather up all my free items. They were out of french bread. But this amazing grocery stocker went and got me a loaf of frozen french bread from the bakery freezer and wrapped it up for me and told me how to cook it. I was amazed. While it does require a bit more work to cook the bread it is kind of nice to have it frozen so we can eat it when we want.

Well my last free item to get was soda. Here is where my real path to destruction begins. Being the last few hours of the sale they were out of almost everything. Including soda. All they had was pepsi and diet Mt Dew. I sadly walked away knowing I should not buy those kinds of soda. Of course it was free so I wasn't actually buying it - but I still walked away. Then I walked back. Then I walked away. Then I walked back. This happened a least 3 times - maybe 4. Finally the pressure had worn me down - I grabbed a bottle of Diet Mt Dew and went to the check out. The bottle of soda sat on my counter for a few days. Taylor asked me what it was. He asked if it had caffeine. I still had enough self respect not to lie to him. He asked why we had it, "we aren't' going to actually drink it are we" he said. I told him it was for our food storage. It was all I could think of. I think that kind of puzzled him but he just shrugged his shoulders and walked away. Up to this point I have been able to hide my caffeine drinking from my kids because I have only ever gotten it from a fountain - and once it is in a cup they can't tell what it is.

It is almost Halloween. The last week of October is usually one of my most stressful weeks of the year. This year is no exception. I came home from a "baby" shower (she is really 4 - but my friend just adopted her) to a horrible mess, cranky kids and a tired and stressed husband. He was trying to get some work done. I guilted him into helping me start working on Taylor's costume that I had also procrastinated. He is being Mr. Koolaide man. I think I will post a separate blog on that whole issue so stay tuned if you are interested. So we worked on that for a couple hours.

The house grew even more messy and the kids more wild. Finally we break down and feed the kids who have been crying from hunger for the last hour or so. It was around 9:00. Then the mess was getting to me so I made everyone help me clean it up and we got the kids to bed a little after 11 :00. We were tired. I saw the diet Mt. Dew. I wanted it. I told myself we should go to bed. I kept seeing the Mt Dew. For some reason I couldn't help myself from walking past it every couple of minutes. It was tormenting me. I asked Rick, "How would you feel about having some Mt. Dew" We have been married long enough he knows that actually translates to "I want some Mt. Dew but feel to guilty drinking it by myself so I need you to drink some with me." So being the kind, loving husband he is - agreed. Apparently he needs to work on resisting peer pressure. He drank some, I drank a lot - a really lot. He worked on his work stuff (whatever it was - any time the computer screen is black with a bunch of tiny number and letters in weird configurations I just ignore it) I kept drinking.

Then I talked him into helping me work on Taylor's costume some more. We needed some stuff for it so I went to Walmart. It was after midnight - so I guess I was shopping on Sunday too. We tried everything we could think of, wrestled with the cardboard, taped and taped and finally came up something that kind of looks like a kool aid pitcher. So we started wrapping the whole thing in duck tape. We just went around the thing doing lap after lap. We were going pretty fast. Pretty soon Rick stopped and stepped back and said he couldn't do it anymore. I kept going, around and around and around. When I finally got to the bottom and stood up I almost tipped over. It was like a kid getting off the merry go round. I couldn't walk straight. I couldn't see straight. I felt like I was going to throw up. I stumbled my way into my bed and laid there. I felt awful. I went to sleep. It was a little after 3 am. Rick stayed up and did some more work. He came in a little after 4:00. The phone rang at 9:00 this morning. I tried to get it but couldn't. My head still aches, I am still worried about throwing up. I am tired. I want to die. Perhaps I am hung over - although I am pretty sure that comes from alcohol not caffeine. It sure is a good thing the Lasagna didn't come with free beer. I may have ended up drinking it.

But boy do I feel awful. It hurts to open my eyes. It hurts to stand up, it hurts to lay down, it hurts to talk, it hurts to think, pretty much it hurts to be alive. Rick woke up he raised his head a bit and said "I feel like crap" and then laid back down and closed his eyes. I felt guilty for pressuring him with the Mt Dew. So I drug myself out of bed and brought him in some medicine. Usually he asked me what I am giving him when I hand him medicine. But he just opened his hand for my fistful of pills and swallowed them without opening his eyes. His head hit the pillow and he was asleep again. I tired to go back to sleep but my stomach hurt to bad. Death doesn't' sound to bad at this point. I am not sure if we can go to church today. I think we may skip it. I truly am miserable. This could be a good lesson for me - maybe caffeine really is as wicked as my Mom tells me it is- but the truth is I am probably too stubborn to learn anything from it. Also Mt Dew really does taste pretty good.