Everything you ever wanted

I was driving, Taylor was sitting next to me. The radio was on and my mind was wandering. We were passing the library. Out of the blue Taylor asked me if I had everything I ever wanted. "What do you mean" I asked - he had definitely caught me off guard. "When you were a little girl didn't you ever think of all the things you wanted when you grew up." he said. Of course I had - day dreaming is one of my biggest weaknesses and favorite pass times. I did, and still do it all the time. But I said "yeah I guess - I did". "Well so now that your old do you have all those things you thought you would." he said. I stopped and thought. "Pretty much" I said, "except for a boat - I have always wanted a boat". The conversation changed but I kept thinking. The thing is I really do have pretty much everything I ever wanted.

While my life definitely isn't exactly how I pictured it in those endless daydreams practically everything I dreamed of is mine. This is going to sound silly - so I won't be offended if you laugh, but this is the way I pictured my self in my minds eye. Living out in the country in a big yellow 2 story farmhouse, with a big wrap around porch. There was a lake in the background with a boat tied to the dock. I am not sure where, but definitely not Utah. There were lots of fruit trees around and a dog in the yard. I had lots of really cute kids running around laughing and playing. They always came when I called and were very clean and well groomed (ok admittedly- that never happens). I could see myself standing on the porch, I would always be wearing a dress - like a simple cotton sundress kind of thing and I would be waiting for my husband to get home from work. And I would be pretty. It would be like 5:00 and dinner would be all ready and my husband would pull in. We would all go inside our spotless house and have dinner. We would go on vacations, go to the beach, go swimming and play together. All my kids would play the piano, although I don't know what they played - it wasn't songs like "Little Indian". I only ever dreamed of myself smiling. We were all happy. In my dreams everything always felt peaceful and quiet and right.


So real life isn't' exactly like that. I have a wonderful husband but if I ever saw him pull in from work before 7 I would assume he had lost his job. I have several cute (albeit messy) children. I am not sure I ever counted in my dreams, but it was probably more like 8 -10 kids. But 5 real children are a lot more than 10 dreamed up one. I've got a house with 1 fruit tree that has yet to bear fruit. I do have a porch, all though it doesn't' wrap around my tan single story house. And it is in Utah. I mostly wear sweats and stained tee shirts, and rarely make-up. If it's not Sunday my hair is pulled back in a ponytail so that I don't notice how much it needs to be washed. I don't even own a sundress. My legs are generally hairy. While I didn't actually notice if my legs were shaved in my childhood daydreams, something just tells me they were. And much to my children's dismay there is no dog in our yard - proof that some things do turn out better in real life.

But I do have everything I wanted (besides that boat). A husband much more amazing then I could ever dream up. Children I love more than I ever knew possible. A comfortable home where I feel at peace. Enough money I never worry. We do go on vacations, we play together, we laugh and we are happy. Even though it's rarely peaceful and it's never quiet there is no denying it always feels right. So I guess the thing is while my life doesn't'' look exactly like the one I dreamed of - it feels like it. I do have everything I ever wanted.

Lagoon

We survived the day at Lagoon. It was actually really fun. No one threw up, no one got lost and no one wet their pants (although there were several close calls). Rick took Taylor and Dallin last year. We spent the whole year telling the kids to eat their dinner so they could grow big enough to go to Lagoon. Our rule was if they weren't at least 48" so they could ride most of the rides I wasn't going to spend the money to take them to Lagoon and sit on the sidelines and watch those who were 48" enjoy themselves. Well somehow this summer Anna and Ryan were both lucky enough to hit a growth spurt so that their heads brushed the 4 foot mark on the tape measure when they stood against the wall with their tallest shoes on. We decided it would cost more to get a babysitter for Rachel then to take her so she got to go too. I hadn't really expected the whole family to go so the budget hadn't planned on that big of an expenditure - but we did it anyway.

We rode most every ride there was. Rick talked me into letting Dallin or Anna babysit the younger kids while we rode a few of the ones with bigger height restrictions. Even though they were sitting in clear view of us most of the time the thought that someone would come up and take them as I was strapped into a ride was a lot scarier than dropping straight down in a roller coaster.

I do like roller coasters, the thrill of falling, the anticipation and adrenaline rush are exciting and exhilarating. I loved riding with my kids and hearing them squeal and laugh and feel them grab my arm when we were hurled around a corner or the car plunged down a drop off. Anna likes them too. Her favorite was Wild Mouse. She must have rode it more than 10 times. I know I rode it 4 times in a row with her, she just kept running on and off of it with whoever she could talk into it. The water rides are my favorite. I love to get wet -I don't know why I just do. It was fun.

The scariest ride of the night, by far was the sky walk. It is a very slow moving ski lift type of thing that takes you across the park about 20 feet up in air. It is supposed to be a peaceful way of getting from one side to the other. Well in a huge lack of judgement I let Rachel and Anna ride in the car in front of me and Ryan. Everything would have been fine if they would have just sat there and quietly rode it as intended. But Rachel didn't. I was terrified as I spent most of the 10 min ride watching Rachel stand and peer over the edges and rock the car. She walked back and forth and shoved as Anna tried to pull her down. She was not belted in, in any way shape or form. She could have easily fallen out and landed with a splat on the concrete below. I screamed at her to sit down, I begged Anna to make her sit. I was crying and screaming. But they couldn't hear me and I was completely helpless. It was one of the most scariest feelings of my life.


We stayed until they kicked us out. We were exhausted, we dragged our slightly sun burnt and queasy bodies out to the car. Most of the kids were asleep before we hit the the freeway. Despite the serious hit our bank account took I am glad we all went.

Not wanted at burger king

I took the kids to Burger King for dinner tonight. It was the final destination of the orienteering course I had constructed for Taylor. I was feeling mighty proud of myself that my clues had successfully lead us there. We all got out and walked in and that all too familiar feeling of not being wanted hit. Embarrassingly enough it happens pretty frequently. I walk into a store or restaurant or something with the kids and everyone turns to stare. They cringe and then divert their eyes. It is easy to see their minds working as they are all quietly willing us to leave. Tonight was no different I could tell the Burger King employee was praying I would say "to go". But I didn't. I'm always more embarrassed than offended. I can easily understand their distaste. Like tonight, Rachel was wearing a "dress up" that looked more like the rags Cinderella wore while she worked then a princess gown. Anna had on her favorite shorts- that have been her favorite for several years. Over the years they have picked up several holes and stains and lost some color. Her legs have picked up several inches so that now the shorts end in a tight band on her upper thigh instead of loosely hanging to her knee. The kids did leave the house with their feet covered but along the way Taylor's flip flops had broken - which required every ones shoes to shift up. So Taylors feet were hanging off both ends of his flip flops, Ryan was wearing pink flip flops and Rachel was barefoot (I did carry her so we could conform to the "no shirt no shoes" sign in the window. Unless the dip in the reservoir they had just taken counts, I doubt any of them had taken a bath since the last Sunday. I was wearing holy shorts and my favorite tee shirt which came from DI. Rick bought it for a special day at work where they had to wear a tee shirt with a video game logo on it. (it's a weird office). Even though it smells and has mortal combat across the back I really like it. I have tried to get the smell out - it has been washed countless times with extra oxyclean and fabric softener but it still stinks. Anyway point is we looked like a bunch of filthy ruffians. I walked up to the counter and started to order. I could see the employee's eyes get big as she was looking over my shoulder at the kids. I turned around and the kids, and not the younger ones, were swinging on those ropes they have out to divided the lines. Not just pulling on them, but feet off the floor swinging. Luckily they ran to find a seat at my insistence before the ropes broke, although it did include a little shoving match to be first to the table. I finished the order and handed out the cups so the kids could get their drinks. Taylor apparently didn't get her lid on tight because Rachel's "suicide" spilled as she grabbed it off the drink counter to take it to our table. Dallin helped to clean it up while I tried to shield the mess from the other diner's view with my wide body. Dallin brought Rachel another cup of soda - the tops must have really been difficult to get on because as he handed it to her the entire cup spilled across the table. I just sighed and went to get more napkins. Dallin must have done a good job cleaning up the first spill because there was no more napkins left. I reluctantly went up to the counter to ask for some more. Luckily the employee who came over didn't speak the best English so I didn't have to explain other than say napkins. I was on my hands and knees trying to mop up a sickish looking brown liquid (the suicide drink popular among my children) when the lady came back with our order. She didn't say anything but it was disgust I saw in her face when she saw the table. She simply set the tray down and left. There were perfectly shaped little footprints leading across the floor up onto and across the bench and all over the table top where Rachel had stepped in the soda with her bare feet and climbed up on the table while she was crying that her seat was all wet. Utterly humiliated by this time I sat down on the wet and sticky bench and pulled Rachel next to me. I decided to just wipe up the spill with the seat of our pants. They were far from clean anyway.
All went ok for a few minutes until Taylor went to get ketchup for us. They didn't have little packets you had to squirt it into little cups. Luckily Taylor managed to fill the cups without mishap. Bringing them to the table was another story. Being the efficent boy he is he didn't want to take a lot of trips - so he filled his hands with 8 little cups of ketchup which ended up flying across our table hitting the wall, the table, the floor and us. Taylors fingers were covered in ketchup where he had been holding the cups. We still didn't have napkins. He licked off his fingers and I wiped the walls off the best I could with Rachel's pillow case. We finished eating and slunk out of that restaurant. I wanted to assure the woman behind the counter that next time we would use the drive through but I was too embarrassed to even look at her.

castle dale

Several years ago we had a home teacher from Emery county. He told us all about the Castle Valley pageant. I thought it sounded fun and decided we would go. Several years went by where it just didn't work out. So 2 years ago I decided it was the year. I made reservations at a hotel and was really excited to go. We had company that week and they were going to come with us. The day before things got kind of busy and it was decided that we were all too hot and tired to go - so I canceled the reservation and we stayed home. I was pretty disappointed but vowed to go the next year. But that was the last year they did it yearly- they changed to only every other year so I had to wait till this summer. So I planned it months ago and we finally went. Kristin, Kevin and Tess came with us. We had a really good time but it was sure an interesting camping trip.
First of all we got a bit of a late start but made it up there in good time. The windy roads were a bit much for Anna so we had to stop so she could throw up. Luckily she made it to the side of the road and didn't get it in the car. Our camping site had no good spot for a tent. There was a very small area under some trees that was flatish but it was no where near big enough for our tent, which is technically called a 3 room "vacation home". We drove on to check Kevin and Tess camping spot. It was much better so we commandeered that and set up our tent there and then went and set up Kevin and Tess tent under the tree in the other site. We had to break off several branches for it to fit under the trees but we did it. We have 3 air mattress but could only find 2 (until we go home and saw the third one waiting for us in the garage where the pile of stuff to go was sitting.) But we figured we could just make do with two.

Because cramming camping supplies for 7 in the van is a pretty good trick I packed Rick's car with all of our sleeping bags and pillows. Although Rick didn't actually help me do it he did watch as I took everything out and put it in his car. Well at the last minute Kevin and Tess volunteered to drive there car. Rick hopped in their car and left all our sleeping gear parked in the trunk in our driveway. I was pretty upset when he arrived without it. I didn't know what to do. Luckily I had put a few blankets in our car to sit on at the pageant. So we had those. Taylor and Dallin slept in the car where it was a bit warmer. Kevin and Tess lent us some blankets and a sleeping bag. I froze all night long. My neck ached from sleeping with no pillow. Rachel kept waking up shivering so I put her in bed with us. Her body warmth finally helped me get a bit of sleep. It was a rough night but we made it through.

The pageant was good but extremely cheesy - just like all Mormon pageants. But I still enjoyed it and felt the spirit. Rachel kept all around us pretty entertained. She made comments, rather loud about all that was happening. She was gravely concerned with the baby dying and let everyone know it.

The next day we had a wonderful breakfast that Tess and Kevin made and then we went to the lake, it took a bit of doing but we found a spot to swim. We had a good time till some big black clouds and a bit of lightening chased us out of the water. We stopped to have lunch and take a few pictures before going home.

The trip ended with an unfortunate encounter with a policeman who wasn't too happy with the speed that Rick was driving. The entire trip seemed to be fraught with mishaps and bumps in the road - but I hope to do it all again next year. Next year I will pack all of our stuff in the van even if I have to sit on it and I am pretty sure Rick won't be in such a hurry to get home and if he is he will keep a better look out for cops.