Everything you ever wanted

I was driving, Taylor was sitting next to me. The radio was on and my mind was wandering. We were passing the library. Out of the blue Taylor asked me if I had everything I ever wanted. "What do you mean" I asked - he had definitely caught me off guard. "When you were a little girl didn't you ever think of all the things you wanted when you grew up." he said. Of course I had - day dreaming is one of my biggest weaknesses and favorite pass times. I did, and still do it all the time. But I said "yeah I guess - I did". "Well so now that your old do you have all those things you thought you would." he said. I stopped and thought. "Pretty much" I said, "except for a boat - I have always wanted a boat". The conversation changed but I kept thinking. The thing is I really do have pretty much everything I ever wanted.

While my life definitely isn't exactly how I pictured it in those endless daydreams practically everything I dreamed of is mine. This is going to sound silly - so I won't be offended if you laugh, but this is the way I pictured my self in my minds eye. Living out in the country in a big yellow 2 story farmhouse, with a big wrap around porch. There was a lake in the background with a boat tied to the dock. I am not sure where, but definitely not Utah. There were lots of fruit trees around and a dog in the yard. I had lots of really cute kids running around laughing and playing. They always came when I called and were very clean and well groomed (ok admittedly- that never happens). I could see myself standing on the porch, I would always be wearing a dress - like a simple cotton sundress kind of thing and I would be waiting for my husband to get home from work. And I would be pretty. It would be like 5:00 and dinner would be all ready and my husband would pull in. We would all go inside our spotless house and have dinner. We would go on vacations, go to the beach, go swimming and play together. All my kids would play the piano, although I don't know what they played - it wasn't songs like "Little Indian". I only ever dreamed of myself smiling. We were all happy. In my dreams everything always felt peaceful and quiet and right.


So real life isn't' exactly like that. I have a wonderful husband but if I ever saw him pull in from work before 7 I would assume he had lost his job. I have several cute (albeit messy) children. I am not sure I ever counted in my dreams, but it was probably more like 8 -10 kids. But 5 real children are a lot more than 10 dreamed up one. I've got a house with 1 fruit tree that has yet to bear fruit. I do have a porch, all though it doesn't' wrap around my tan single story house. And it is in Utah. I mostly wear sweats and stained tee shirts, and rarely make-up. If it's not Sunday my hair is pulled back in a ponytail so that I don't notice how much it needs to be washed. I don't even own a sundress. My legs are generally hairy. While I didn't actually notice if my legs were shaved in my childhood daydreams, something just tells me they were. And much to my children's dismay there is no dog in our yard - proof that some things do turn out better in real life.

But I do have everything I wanted (besides that boat). A husband much more amazing then I could ever dream up. Children I love more than I ever knew possible. A comfortable home where I feel at peace. Enough money I never worry. We do go on vacations, we play together, we laugh and we are happy. Even though it's rarely peaceful and it's never quiet there is no denying it always feels right. So I guess the thing is while my life doesn't'' look exactly like the one I dreamed of - it feels like it. I do have everything I ever wanted.