1 down 3419 to go

One down, approximately 3419 days to go in Ryan's school career. Kindergarten started yesterday. He has been so excited. While outwardly, like a good mom, I acted excited with him and talked it up real big and everything, but inside I cried for him. Before yesterday he was a carefree little boy who could come and go as he pleased, (or as his mom pleased), he had no homework, no stress, no dress code, no schedule. He could sleep till noon, play outside, watch a movie, go to the park, or play with his friends ALL DAY LONG. There was no such thing as a "school night" to inhibit evening activities. No homework to keep him in on warm spring afternoons. But now all that freedom is gone.

Now for the next 19 years he will be stuck in the rat race of education but it will also be wonderful, exciting and liberating. He will learn to read and write. He will discover the world of science, learn about explorers, wars, and epidemics. He will learn the capital of Kentucky and Zimbabwe. He will learn about the Founding Fathers, read the Constitution and memorize the Gettysburg address. He will learn the Pythagorean theory, pi, and do some proofs. And if he is lucky he will learn to think. And 19 years later he will walk across a platform, be handed a masters degree and will then face the decision to enter the workforce or go after his Phd.

What a long row he has to hoe - of course maybe I only think that because my row is hoed. I've done it and I don't regret it. I don't want to do it again, but I am glad I did it. And as hard as it is to push him out of the nest into that big mean world Ryan is lucky he has the opportunity. Education is a great privilege, I know that and I hope my kids realize it too. But privilege does require sacrifice. A lot of time, effort, stress and hoop jumping will go in to that degree. But life has shown me - its well worth it.

So at 12:00 Ryan and Rachel climbed in our big red wagon and we headed off for Spanish Oaks. I walked real slow because school doesn't' start till 12:15 and it is only a 5 minute walk. But Ryan just couldn't wait any longer. This morning he wanted me to pack him a lunch in a bag like I do for the older kids. We do this sometimes so I didn't think a whole lot about it. At 11:30 I went in to shower and told the kids to eat lunch. When I got out they were covered in Doritos so I assumed they had obeyed. But as we were strolling along to school Ryan yelled, "I forgot my lunch". I reminded him Kindergartners eat lunch at home before school and don't' need to bring it. He just said "oh" and was real quiet. "You ate your lunch, didn't you," I said. He just shook his head and said he wanted to bring it to school. So apparently he just had a few of Rachels Doritos. Good thing we left early I thought and started to turn around so we could head home and I could grab something for him to eat. But he wouldn't hear of it. I guess after waiting so long to go to school he just couldn't handle turning back once we were on the way. So we just kept going - and I said a little prayer that they would have snacks at school and Ryan wouldn't mention to anyone he hadn't eaten lunch. It always seem to make you look like a bad mom when you don't feed your kids before sending them to school. I learned this with Anna who frequently ate lunch at 3:00 when she got home from school. For some reason she felt she should share this little fact with everyone who would listen. She would also always leave off the fact that she ate breakfast at 11:30. So people who weren't privy to her entire meal schedule were left thinking I was a horrible mother who never fed her kids.

But we got to Kindergarten. We turned in his Getting to Know You "homework", hung up his backpack, weighed and measured him and found his name tag. He sat down and started coloring his head band. I hung around watching and taking pictures with all the other moms. This was to be Ryan's first "away from mom" experience since we don't do preschool. I was a bit nervous that Ryan would be nervous. But after a few minutes he looked up from his coloring and and said, "Aren't you ever going to leave." I had been dismissed. So I kissed him goodbye, reminded him where the bathroom was, picked up Rachel and headed out the door. I got all the way to the little red wagon before I started crying. As I put Rachel in the wagon I realized she was all I had left. "It's just you and me babe", I said as we walked home.

We got home logged on to Hulu.com got some ice cream sat Rachel on my lap and we watched three episode of the Donna Reed Show and at a quart of ice cream while I felt sorry for myself that all my kids were leaving me. I held Rachel tight realizing I've only got a couple years left and then I will be all alone. What will I do with myself - taking care of kids all day long is all I've ever done - other than go to school. I guess I'll have to eat of lot of ice cream and watch a lot of Donna Reed either that or go back to school - and that is a thought that terrifies me.