Apparently there was a discussion in our community recently about the seemingly growing attitude of entitlement. It stemmed, in part, because a family was out of toilet paper. Which admittedly is an important provision to have. So they called up and asked for some help, they said we don't have any toilet paper and we don't have any money to buy some - could you help us out. They were in a bit of a hurry, for two reasons, number 1 they needed to go and when you gotta go you gotta go - that is an understandable reason. The second reason is that the next day they wouldn't have time to go to the store and stuff because they would be too busy going to lagoon. Rick took the boys to Lagoon last Monday so I know that Lagoon is an all day affair. My boys left about 9:00 and go home around midnight. It really does take the entire day. And you've got to be there open to close to get the most for your money - and at 45 dollars a pop you definitely want to get the most for you money.
So some in the community had issue with this - just like they should. While there is absolutely nothing wrong with Lagoon. It is a fun place, builds great family memories and strengthens families. The proclamation encourages us to have wholesome family recreation. But in the world of priorities amusement parks simply should not rank above basic personal hygiene like wiping your tushie. The problem is people, apparently our neighbors, and society in general believe that basic needs should be meet by others so they don't interfere with their luxuries.
I think this can be seen all over society. People believe that it is governments job, and the taxpayers responsibility to provide program after program that takes care of peoples "basic needs". And the list of basic needs is growing and growing. Just this year owning a new car made the basic needs list. Well that is ridiculous. While I do believe that it is our obligation as fellow citizens, brothers and sisters even, to do all we can to make sure there are not starving or suffering children among us, and to help those who truly need our help. But taking care of someones needs so they can afford their wants is not our responsibility. In my book it does more harm than good.
There was recently an interview done on a radio talk show where two people we debating the health care problems. One man argued that health care cost way too much and insurance didn't cover enough. At one point he argued, "What if my kid broke his arm - how should I pay for that, out of my pocket? He was obviously outraged at the idea of paying out of his pocket for a broken arm. The other woman in the debate simply answered yes. As a parent it is your job to take care of your kids. Broken arms happen, it is a common everyday part of growing up. Even with today's outlandish medical costs a broken arm still isn't that expensive. Probably less than we are paying a year for our satellite tv. When we choose to bring children into this world we choose to be responsible for them, to take care of their needs. Needs like toilet paper, food and even broken arms. At least that is how it should be.
In my book feeding your children should be pretty near tippity top of the priority list. It should be way above things like amusement parks, recreational vehicles, vacations, and the like. I even think it should be above "staples" of the common American home such as cable tv, caller id, gaming systems, ipods, computers, cell phones, designer clothes, fake nails, and even a second car. In extreme circumstances, if there was a choice to be made between food and something else, unless that something else was air or water food should pretty much always win. At least that's what Maslow suggests. But fortunately we live in a time and place that that kind of choice need not ever be made. As an American citizen, or even a noncitizen residing in the USA there is always help to be found - there is food pantries, shelters, and numberless other charities available to feed the hungry. That is the way it should be - no one should starve. But I don't think starving is the issue here. I don't think too many of us are actually worrying about starving to death, because we know society has got us covered on that one. So we focus on making sure we have got all the other things we deserve - like tvs, suvs, blackberries, jet skis, laptops etc. We feel entitled to these modern conveniences - why - I'm not sure. Maybe because we want them, our neighbors have them, and simply because they're there.
One program I have big issues with is the school lunch program. Just saying that makes me sound like some cold hearted , tight fisted scrooge, I am sure. Of course no child should go with out lunch. I can't stand to see a child hungry. I can swear up and down my kids won't get anything to eat till morning if they don't eat dinner and then when bedtime hits and their crying in hunger all resolve goes out the window and I make them a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. I can't stand to know a child is hungry - and neither can any other decent human being. But my issue is that school lunch isn't seen as a last resort for a family who can't feed their children. It is seen as another part of attending public school. It is pretty easy to qualify. My family would have to make less than $61000, a family of four would have to make less than $40,793. While those are no where near high incomes they aren't bottom of the barrel either. A family who is making that much money should be able to feed their children. Now it definitely may not be possible to finance vacations, purchase recreation vehicles, drive new cars, carry a blackberry, listen to an ipod, subscribe to various services and keep our roots up all on 40,000 dollars a year. But we should be able to feed our children. But if someone is willing to feed them for us- why not let them, that way we can enjoy our "well deserved" luxuries. I am afraid that is the mentality that is inflicting way to many of us. There is no shame in asking our friends and neighbors to feed our kids so we can play. And that is wrong - immoral even.
A few weeks ago in primary the primary president talked about how her family was planning a trip to Disneyland. The lesson had something to do with using a road map and following a plan and she related it to the plan of salvation. It was a good lesson. Well she ask how many had been to Disneyland. Hands shot up around the room. You had to look pretty hard to find a family who hasn't been at least once - there are many families who make it a yearly family tradition. I know of a couple who go multiple times a year and 1 even has a season pass. We don't live in California - its a 10 hour drive without stops. So is there anything wrong with this. No - Disneyland is great. My family went last April, we loved it. We all had a great times, made some great memories and came back closer. It was a bonding experience well worth the money spent.
Obviously many families feel this way because going to Disneyland is a common occurrence in our neighborhood -the vast majority have done it or do it on a regular basis. The sad part of it is that more families take their children to Disneyland than feed their children. Disneyland has trumped feeding the kids on our societal priority list. If you stop and work the numbers I could have bought school lunch for all 3 of my school kids every day for 2 years for less than it cost us to go to Disneyland. And that is school lunch, I bet, if need be, I could have packed my kids a lunch from home every school day for close to 4 years for what it cost us to go to Disneyland. Now we are very fortunate, my husband worked hard and sacrificed much to have a job that provides us enough income to do both. At least for now - jobs do come and go and being unemployed at sometime in our career is a real possibility. A possibility that requires us to plan carefully, put away money and food so that we can continue to feed our children if and when this does happen to us.
Unfortunately some of our friends our not so lucky. I just accidentally opened a neighbors mail, it truly was an accident. It was their approval letter for the free lunch program. I was shocked. My first thought was I wonder if something happened, did he loose his job? Will they have to start selling some toys, forgo the next concert, avoid the mall, skip the cruise, or even miss this years trip to Disneyland. To be honest I don't know - maybe something did happen, to be honest they seem like pretty frugal people. Times are tough, they may have very well hit upon some rocky times and need a bit of help. But I think all to often that is not the case. It's not hard times but the entitlement attitude that cause people to think it is ok to ask their friends and neighbors to feed their kids so they can play.
Part of the problem with this trap of entitlement is that is so easy to get into. The programs are out there, right in our face, they are even advertising asking us to join them. I once mentioned my feelings about school lunch to a friend. She said, well if you qualify you should definitely take it - because if you don't you are taking funding away from kids with disabilities. Huh? I said. She explained that funding for special education was allotted partly based on the number of kids who qualify for free lunch. I didn't really believe her. There is no denying that the school district and government in general has some pretty kooky policies. But to base funding for special ed on how poor the community is, is ridiculous in my book. Poor kids are not the only ones born with disabilities. Funding for special ed should be dispersed based on how many children are disabled, the degree of their disabilities and not the income of their parents. So I wrote to the state school board and asked them if this was true. I got two replies. Both of which informed me that is was true, gave lengthy descriptions of how funding was allocated, why and how wonderful the program was. Both ended their letter by inviting me to apply for school lunch and take advantage of it if accepted. I was stunned and outraged. While I do not want kids needing special education programs to be short changed I do not think I should have to sacrifice my level of pride, independence and responsibility by accepting welfare to give them the help they need. I should not have to be on the government dole to help kids with disabilities. I am very happy for my tax money to go to help educate all children, I am even more happy for it to go to feed any and every hungry child. I just don't think I should have to keep kids fed so their parents can enjoy their toys and luxuries. So what are we going to do about this problem - I don't know, but I firmly feel that in order for our society to succeed, fundamental basics like feeding our own kids and wiping our own tushies need to find their way back to the top of the priority list.
So some in the community had issue with this - just like they should. While there is absolutely nothing wrong with Lagoon. It is a fun place, builds great family memories and strengthens families. The proclamation encourages us to have wholesome family recreation. But in the world of priorities amusement parks simply should not rank above basic personal hygiene like wiping your tushie. The problem is people, apparently our neighbors, and society in general believe that basic needs should be meet by others so they don't interfere with their luxuries.
I think this can be seen all over society. People believe that it is governments job, and the taxpayers responsibility to provide program after program that takes care of peoples "basic needs". And the list of basic needs is growing and growing. Just this year owning a new car made the basic needs list. Well that is ridiculous. While I do believe that it is our obligation as fellow citizens, brothers and sisters even, to do all we can to make sure there are not starving or suffering children among us, and to help those who truly need our help. But taking care of someones needs so they can afford their wants is not our responsibility. In my book it does more harm than good.
There was recently an interview done on a radio talk show where two people we debating the health care problems. One man argued that health care cost way too much and insurance didn't cover enough. At one point he argued, "What if my kid broke his arm - how should I pay for that, out of my pocket? He was obviously outraged at the idea of paying out of his pocket for a broken arm. The other woman in the debate simply answered yes. As a parent it is your job to take care of your kids. Broken arms happen, it is a common everyday part of growing up. Even with today's outlandish medical costs a broken arm still isn't that expensive. Probably less than we are paying a year for our satellite tv. When we choose to bring children into this world we choose to be responsible for them, to take care of their needs. Needs like toilet paper, food and even broken arms. At least that is how it should be.
In my book feeding your children should be pretty near tippity top of the priority list. It should be way above things like amusement parks, recreational vehicles, vacations, and the like. I even think it should be above "staples" of the common American home such as cable tv, caller id, gaming systems, ipods, computers, cell phones, designer clothes, fake nails, and even a second car. In extreme circumstances, if there was a choice to be made between food and something else, unless that something else was air or water food should pretty much always win. At least that's what Maslow suggests. But fortunately we live in a time and place that that kind of choice need not ever be made. As an American citizen, or even a noncitizen residing in the USA there is always help to be found - there is food pantries, shelters, and numberless other charities available to feed the hungry. That is the way it should be - no one should starve. But I don't think starving is the issue here. I don't think too many of us are actually worrying about starving to death, because we know society has got us covered on that one. So we focus on making sure we have got all the other things we deserve - like tvs, suvs, blackberries, jet skis, laptops etc. We feel entitled to these modern conveniences - why - I'm not sure. Maybe because we want them, our neighbors have them, and simply because they're there.
One program I have big issues with is the school lunch program. Just saying that makes me sound like some cold hearted , tight fisted scrooge, I am sure. Of course no child should go with out lunch. I can't stand to see a child hungry. I can swear up and down my kids won't get anything to eat till morning if they don't eat dinner and then when bedtime hits and their crying in hunger all resolve goes out the window and I make them a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. I can't stand to know a child is hungry - and neither can any other decent human being. But my issue is that school lunch isn't seen as a last resort for a family who can't feed their children. It is seen as another part of attending public school. It is pretty easy to qualify. My family would have to make less than $61000, a family of four would have to make less than $40,793. While those are no where near high incomes they aren't bottom of the barrel either. A family who is making that much money should be able to feed their children. Now it definitely may not be possible to finance vacations, purchase recreation vehicles, drive new cars, carry a blackberry, listen to an ipod, subscribe to various services and keep our roots up all on 40,000 dollars a year. But we should be able to feed our children. But if someone is willing to feed them for us- why not let them, that way we can enjoy our "well deserved" luxuries. I am afraid that is the mentality that is inflicting way to many of us. There is no shame in asking our friends and neighbors to feed our kids so we can play. And that is wrong - immoral even.
A few weeks ago in primary the primary president talked about how her family was planning a trip to Disneyland. The lesson had something to do with using a road map and following a plan and she related it to the plan of salvation. It was a good lesson. Well she ask how many had been to Disneyland. Hands shot up around the room. You had to look pretty hard to find a family who hasn't been at least once - there are many families who make it a yearly family tradition. I know of a couple who go multiple times a year and 1 even has a season pass. We don't live in California - its a 10 hour drive without stops. So is there anything wrong with this. No - Disneyland is great. My family went last April, we loved it. We all had a great times, made some great memories and came back closer. It was a bonding experience well worth the money spent.
Obviously many families feel this way because going to Disneyland is a common occurrence in our neighborhood -the vast majority have done it or do it on a regular basis. The sad part of it is that more families take their children to Disneyland than feed their children. Disneyland has trumped feeding the kids on our societal priority list. If you stop and work the numbers I could have bought school lunch for all 3 of my school kids every day for 2 years for less than it cost us to go to Disneyland. And that is school lunch, I bet, if need be, I could have packed my kids a lunch from home every school day for close to 4 years for what it cost us to go to Disneyland. Now we are very fortunate, my husband worked hard and sacrificed much to have a job that provides us enough income to do both. At least for now - jobs do come and go and being unemployed at sometime in our career is a real possibility. A possibility that requires us to plan carefully, put away money and food so that we can continue to feed our children if and when this does happen to us.
Unfortunately some of our friends our not so lucky. I just accidentally opened a neighbors mail, it truly was an accident. It was their approval letter for the free lunch program. I was shocked. My first thought was I wonder if something happened, did he loose his job? Will they have to start selling some toys, forgo the next concert, avoid the mall, skip the cruise, or even miss this years trip to Disneyland. To be honest I don't know - maybe something did happen, to be honest they seem like pretty frugal people. Times are tough, they may have very well hit upon some rocky times and need a bit of help. But I think all to often that is not the case. It's not hard times but the entitlement attitude that cause people to think it is ok to ask their friends and neighbors to feed their kids so they can play.
Part of the problem with this trap of entitlement is that is so easy to get into. The programs are out there, right in our face, they are even advertising asking us to join them. I once mentioned my feelings about school lunch to a friend. She said, well if you qualify you should definitely take it - because if you don't you are taking funding away from kids with disabilities. Huh? I said. She explained that funding for special education was allotted partly based on the number of kids who qualify for free lunch. I didn't really believe her. There is no denying that the school district and government in general has some pretty kooky policies. But to base funding for special ed on how poor the community is, is ridiculous in my book. Poor kids are not the only ones born with disabilities. Funding for special ed should be dispersed based on how many children are disabled, the degree of their disabilities and not the income of their parents. So I wrote to the state school board and asked them if this was true. I got two replies. Both of which informed me that is was true, gave lengthy descriptions of how funding was allocated, why and how wonderful the program was. Both ended their letter by inviting me to apply for school lunch and take advantage of it if accepted. I was stunned and outraged. While I do not want kids needing special education programs to be short changed I do not think I should have to sacrifice my level of pride, independence and responsibility by accepting welfare to give them the help they need. I should not have to be on the government dole to help kids with disabilities. I am very happy for my tax money to go to help educate all children, I am even more happy for it to go to feed any and every hungry child. I just don't think I should have to keep kids fed so their parents can enjoy their toys and luxuries. So what are we going to do about this problem - I don't know, but I firmly feel that in order for our society to succeed, fundamental basics like feeding our own kids and wiping our own tushies need to find their way back to the top of the priority list.
Very, very nice. I was actually talking to a person today about this, and will send him this.
ReplyDeleteBe careful. People who are on the dole do not like to read things like this, and people who are on the dole certainly read your blog. I had a very bad experience with that before.
I recently moved from Ann Arbor, MI and was in Jeff & Stacey's ward there. I linked and read your blog from visiting their family blog. Thank you for your thoughts! As a family of 4, with a husband in grad-school, we have used many programs to help our family out and they have been tremendous blessings. Your writing has helped me remember where the cuts really should be and to put things into a more proper prospective. We don't have many luxuries, but there is always room to improve and make the "basics" truly just that. Thank you once again.
ReplyDeleteI enjoyed reading this, Amy, and agree with you. Entitlement is addicting; the more you get the more you want, you are never satisfied if you think someone owes you something.
ReplyDeleteJohn
Thanks for your thoughts on this. It is amazing how many people get their "needs" and "wants" mixed up, and frustrating that the rest of us have to help them out of their predicament.
ReplyDelete