19 years ago

It's been 19 years, I don't think about it very often but every once in a while something reminds me. Something very random will happen and my mind goes back - we all do it - funny how your mind holds on to everything, and in an instant memories will flood back washing you with memories and emotions that had lain dormant for years.



I told my kids we could watch a movie, the Incredibles. For some reason the movie wasn't in the case only the dvd with all the extras so we watched it. It was interesting - I enjoyed it. For the most part it was an interview with the man who wrote it. I don't think I had ever seen him before but he looked a little familiar, not like -"oh I know him" but just a hint of something familiar. It nagged at me the entire interview - I racked my brain trying to come up with what it was - to be honest I really don't know if there is anything. And then his name came on the screen. Brad Bird. I never knew a Brad Bird but I did know some Birds and they fit with what I was remembering. I ran upstairs and searched for a bio on Brad. Was he a relative, a cousin maybe- but probably not- realistically I knew there probably was no real connection just the one my mind dreamed up. But I searched anyway, I found several articles on him. He lived in Oregon, the same state my Birds lived in. But that is about the only connection I could find. I started searching for my Birds, I found them and I read old newspaper articles until the memories were exhausting me. I went to bed but not to sleep. Rick came in and saw my search up on the screen. Did you find Ryan Bird he asked. Yes, I said. I think Rick clicked on some face book links for Ryan Bird. Is this him he asked bring up some pictures. No I said. "How do you know" Rick asked still looking. Because he is dead. The Ryan Bird I knew was six, his mom strangled him and dumped his body in an outhouse.



The Ryan Bird I knew loved to play phase 10, he liked peanut butter and jelly sandwiches on the circle bread with the little hole in the middle that his Grandma made. He didn't like the lettuce out of the garden. He liked to play in the barn - it creeped me out but he loved it. He was the prince or the husband in the make believe games his sister dreamed up there under the trampoline where we would play for hours. They were close I don't remember them ever fighting. He loved his sister. She was easy to love. She was very sweet. She wanted to pray, sometimes her mom wouldn't let her. I remember putting her to bed one night. She got in bed and whispered "I can't say my prayers", the way she said it told me she wanted to. She had gotten in trouble and her mom had grounded her from praying. I think she was a little afraid of her mom, I didn't know what to say. I didn't want to suggest that she not obey her mom but I could tell she wanted to pray. I remember telling her - "it's ok, Heavenly Father knows." I just hoped she knew that her Mom couldn't hear her thoughts but God could.



She didn't talk about her mom much, every once in a while she would say a little something about her. They loved to talk about their Dad. I remember Ryan ecstatic over a phone call from him. He lived in Texas, I never met him. I knew life in Texas hadn't been good - that is why they were there with Grandma and Grandpa. But I was only 14 - they didn't tell me a whole lot. Tiffany mentioned little things I wondered at the time if she dreamed up. Now I know she didn't. She told me that closets were scary. She was tied up and that is why they moved. I never heard the whole story, I don't think she comprehended the whole story. But last night I read it in an archived paper from the spring of 1991.



It was that March, a Sunday in the evening. My parents came in and told me Ryan was missing and they had found his bike by a river. They were searching. I wanted to go help look. My mom said no, I was 15. The next morning the newspaper told us they found his body near the coast in an outhouse. We lived about an hour from the coast. I wondered how he got there. I listened as the reports came out I remember hearing how there was dirt in the tires of his mom's car that matched the dirt near the outhouse. I remember hearing that they arrested Tami. I remember hearing when she was convicted of murdering her son. I remember thinking I guess she will never pay me the money she owes me. What a stupid thing to think. I didn't go to the funeral I wish I would have, I didn't really fit. I was too old to be one of Ryan's little friends and to young to be the Grandma's friend. I was just the babysitter. But I spent a lot of time with them and it hurt to know he was gone and my heart ached for Tiffany. I wish I could have seen her again and talked to her - but I didn't, I didn't really know how. My mom told me she saw Tiffany and her Grandma in the locker room at the pool. Tiffany was getting dressed to go swimming. Her Grandma looked up at my mom and said life has to go on. That is the last thing I remember hearing about Tiffany.