Kids
I've got five of them, wouldn't have it any other way - they are the best thing I have ever done and the greatest blessing I could ever dream of. But unfortunately not everyone feels that way. A couple days ago Rick had to go to an all day seminar on "Managing in the law". It was a course intended to keep managers for being sued and from violating laws which would get the company sued. The teacher was a lawyer from California that they brought in. Apparently she expressed on several occasions her great surprise at how many kids there were around. She said time and time again, I just can't believe how many kids you all have. There are kids everywhere on streets, in the stores and restaurants, in pictures on everyone's desk and actually in person in the office. She didn't say this in a positive tone. She told them that they needed to be very careful because times are changing and as more and more outsiders move into Utah we would have to be very careful not to emphasize (or even reveal maybe) how many children we had or that they were a central part of our life. She told the class that a lot of people felt negatively about children and saw talking about them as offensive because it may infer that the traditionally "family" was better than the alternative lifestyles so many others are gravitating to.
Rick has a friend, Greg, (who doesn't work with him at Adobe) who was written up by HR for talking about his wife and children. This happened in Seattle about 8 years ago. The co-worker who was offended went to HR because as a gay man he felt that he didn't have the same right to so openly talk about his "family" the way Greg could without being discriminated against for being gay. The company agreed that everyone needed to be more sensitive or others lifestyle choices by not discussing their lifestyle choices by talking about family or showing too many pictures of them etc. 8 years ago this shocked me, I could hardly believe it was happening, it sounded so absolutely ridiculous. Well apparently it is not - apparently it is becoming more prevalent Fortunately Rick works in an environment where most of the people have similar family situations, but he still was warned to be careful - the fact that he has a wife and children may offend some that don't.
As a mother, especially a stay at home mom, I have experienced some of the negative attitudes at some for my choice in careers. It is not uncommon for me to hear a distinct change in tone and attitude when I tell someone (like a customer service representative, or sales person or someone taking a survey.) that I am a stay at home mom. It is difficult to pin point exactly what it is but it has happened to me enough times to know that it is not viewed as a positive thing.
Recently in the media there have been several comments about stay at home mom (mostly due to Ann Romney in the spotlight). There are always those who come out in support of them - but by and large they are looked down on. While having my career choice looked down on doesn't thrill me it doesn't bother me as much as this attitude I see sneaky into our society that children are not valued, and that having them is not admirable. Yesterday I heard a talk show in which the host was talking about a totally separate issue but he referred to having children as shi*** out another kid. I was pretty offended.
There is a commercial for AT&T that talks about how the greatest feature of their phone is its streaming capabilities that will lot your toddler watch endless hours of stuff so that you can enjoy your coffee break. While that doesn't sound like such a bad thing - everyone needs a break and there have been numerous times I have definitely been grateful to TV for giving me one, the commercial just kind of bothered me. I guess hearing it over and over again made me think that all this technology was so great because it saved us from having to "be a mom" like taking care of our kids was some great curse. I was probably just in a disgruntled mood - but I couldn't help but think Really - just put your phone down and pickup your baby. Life in our society today would be so much better for so many of us if we would just do that.
One interesting thing I remembered is an experience we had on our trip around the USA a couple summers ago. The fact that we had 5 kids was often commented about. Most of the time it was just "Wow that is a lot of kids, are they all yours?" But some comments were undeniable negative some were definitely dirty or disagreeing looks but one I thought was really interesting. In New York City (this happened twice if I am remembering right) a man (both youngish black men) came up to Rick slapped his hand and told him "Hey Brother- you doin it right....." That is actually far form how it was said - I can't remember the exact words because they are simply terms I wouldn't use on a day to day basis. but the jest of the conversation was - these all your kids, that is awesome that you are stepping up and claiming them and actually taking care of them. Now I have heard that across the country the number of children born to unwed mothers was way more than the number of babies born to married couples. In some areas the vast vast majority of children do not live with, associate with or maybe even know who their father is. I think in some circles it may be seen as cool to father a bunch of kids you have nothing to do with- but I think the realization that this is crippling our nation is beginning to get a lot of attention. And I think that this is what Rick was being called out for - being the man who was doing the right thing. I couldn't agree more, Rick is definitely a great example of what every American man should be doing. But no one, outside of those who share my belief system (which fortunately is most of those I associate with on a day to day basis), ever came up to me and congratulated me for taking care of all my kids. Not that I expect them to or want them to, but I do think that a woman with a bunch of kids is seen differently than a man with a bunch of kids. The man is stepping up and being a man by taking care of his responsibilities while a woman must be some welfare mom with no education, no self control and no motivation to better herself who is sucking our economy dry and is single handidly using up all the earths resources, bringing about climate change and will take women back to the days before womans suffrage.
Because I like to travel I like to use the internet to look up travel information. I have used sites such as travelocity and ReserveAmerica on numerous occasions to either research or book hotels, flights, campsites or make other types of reservations. One thing that frustrates me to no end is that I can not do this for my entire family all at once - because my family is considered a large group and I must call a service representative to book for large groups. 6 is the maximum number allowed. Sometimes I book separately but this always makes me a little nervous, what if I get 6 flights together and by the time I get back to make the 7th the plane is full. This has happened to me before. I would also just like us all to be under the same reservation. Especially camp sites - we are not going to use more than one campsite so why do I have to pay for more than one. I can understand charging extra for more people because I assume we do use more water or electricity than smaller families - but we don't take up anymore room -especially when we are in an RV. I have paid for hotel rooms and campsites that we do not use. While my older kids are getting to be teenagers and so this isn't as big of an issue as it was 6 years ago - I do not want my children in a room or a campsite without an adult, and Rick and I simply like to stay together. We also like to have our family together on a family vacation. Sometimes we are able to get adjoining rooms which works out ok-but not always. Luckily our kids are getting old enough that I will let them stay in a room by themselves, although I highly doubt the hotel management would approve. We are hoping to go on a cruise this summer, I have been trying to research cruises and compare costs etc. It is difficult to do when I can't have our entire family on one reservation. I don't really want to have to call a travel agent as they suggest, for one thing I am suspicious that using a travel agent would increase my cost. Anyway -I got off on a tangent there and I really must get back to my day.
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