I feel like I am drowning. My life is utter chaos and I can't find enough time to go to the bathroom let alone organize my life in any way shape or form. I am serious about the bathroom thing too. I find myself not drinking anything for fear that I will wet my pants because I am too busy to go to the bathroom which mean I am pretty thirsty a the time - especially after my daily 4.77 mile run. But it is not uncommon for me to get busy and have to pee and not be able to take time out to use the bathroom. So then I have to hold it until I fear I am going to wet my pants and then I have visions of my Mom lecturing about the danger of kidney infections due to holding it too long. No wonder I have been having such sharp kidney pains. I am sure that is way too much information for you.
Anyway I am probably going over board here. My life isn't always out of control, just 90 percent of the time. This last week and particularly today has been really bad. This week I have something I am supposed to go to on Wednesday night, Thursday night, Friday night and Saturday night. I really feel it is important to go to all of them. I also have a soccer game to be to every night except Saturday. The kids all have homework they need help with. For some reason all four of my kids have been bringing home things that require my undivided attention. I have to sit with them and help them with this homework and then supervise them to make sure they do their reading and piano practice. I have been letting chores slide, which I feel guilty about, because I just can't fight with them about one more thing right now. Which makes Rick mad because he thinks they need to be doing them.
Then there is soccer. All of the kids, except Rachel, hate to go watch the soccer games. So every afternoon the kids come home from school I push and push to get them to get their homework and stuff done. Then about the time they finish up it is time to go to soccer. They cry because they haven't got to play at all. They beg to stay home. I usually let Taylor and Dallin stay home during Ryan's game which makes Ryan and Anna mad. I make everyone go to Taylors game which makes everyone including Taylor mad. I feel guilty for making my kids go somewhere they don't want to every single night of the week. But I feel guilty if I leave them home every night too. Dallin wants to play with his friends so bad. The last several nights I have told him that if he can finish up all his stuff he can stay home from soccer and play with a friend at their house. (We are not allowed to have friends over if I am not home) He has worked hard to do it and then gone and asked his friends to play. But none of them have been willing to have him over so he has to come to soccer which breaks his little heart.
Last night was Enrichment. We don't have it very often so I was really looking forward to it. Rick had planned on coming home early enough for me to go. So I signed up for classes and was really excited. Then Tuesday night something fell through at work and it got moved to Wednesday night. So he didn't get home till after Enrichement was over. I would have left my oldest 4 home if there was a nursery to leave Rachel in but my Bishop and the Prophet don't see eye to eye on the nursery thing so we don't have one. So I missed that and instead of enjoying the evening like I had planned I got to sit at a soccer game listening to Ryan cry, Dallin tease, Anna flirt with the boys and watch Rachel run away. I wasn't too thrilled.
Today was worse. I got up not feeling great (I think my kidney must be infected) I spent over an hour on hold with my mortgage company. I finally got through to learn I had to call someone else. I got through to them ok but learned that my mortgage company had gone bankrupt and my mortgage payments were not being made to my new lender because the FDIC had frozen the account my biweekly payments were going into. So I have a frozen account with the money meant to pay my mortgage and a late payment due and I have no idea where to send the money or how much to send and I have to come up with enough money for another payment. I tried to call my new mortgage company but it just rang busy. I continuously hit redial for over 10 minutes (that is a lot of redials) and finally just gave up. I then tried to email them but their "contact us" page was down. I finally found an email address for them and wrote them a letter. To which I promptly received a response stating that they have a large volume of emails and won't be able to get to mine for a while, but luckily I am a valued costumer and if I am patient they will get to me. Wonderful.
I got most of my house cleaned while on hold so that was good. I helped Ryan do his homework, read to them my required 15 minutes and took a shower. I hopped in the shower about 10 minutes before kindergarten which meant I didn't have time to do my hair, put on makeup, or even finish buttoning my shirt. But we got there on time.
I got Ryan to school and came home to make some lunch. As I was opening the fridge my friend called to see if I would go walking with her. I felt I should so I drug my starving body out on a walk. Luckily Rachel behaved well and only tried to get out of her stroller a couple of times. I let her listen to my ipod and that is usually enough to hold her attention for a little while anyway. I got home and had just enough time to spray my grass for weeds before the kids got home from school. They came in just as I was washing the poison of my hands. It was 3:30 cub scouts started at 3:45. I called to let my friend know I was bringing Rachel and Ryan over for her to watch like we had previously arranged. She said she had a change of plans and her mom was coming to get her kids. She said she could still watch mine but I didn't want her to have to babysit when her kids were gone for the afternoon. So I started calling babysitters. Struck out the first 3 calls but finally found one. Then I had to find somewhere for Taylor to hang out because the babysitter was too young to babysit him. I don't like him being home alone with girls just a year or so older than him. So he went to play at a friends. And I rushed off to cub scouts just a few minutes late. We went to the High School football game to finish up our sports requirement. Taking the cub scouts out in public isn't always the funnest thing to do. Anyway we got home a little after 6:00.
Ryan's soccer game started at 6:15. By this time I was really hungry and I think the kids were too. I sent Dallin to get Taylor and told him he and Taylor could stay home. Well Taylor wasn't at his friends they had all gone somewhere. I tried calling. I didn't really feel good about leaving without knowing where Taylor was and I don't like leaving Dallin home alone so he was crying because I was making him go to the game. Ryan was crying because he was late. Anna was crying because she wanted to play with her friend and Rachel was crying because she wanted Ryan's Gatorade. I really wanted to join in and cry too. Well on the way out I stopped at Taylor's friends house and they were just coming home from playing at the park. I let Taylor and Dallin walk home and made them promise to do their homework and piano. They said they did but I have my doubts. From the amount of ice cream sandwich wrappers in the trash I would say they spent most of the evening eating my case of fat boys.
Taylor has a homework assignment due tomorrow- it is a pop up book about Lewis and Clark. So I asked him to get his piano done (which he failed to do during Ryan's soccer game) while I helped Ryan and Dallin finish up their homework. Helping Ryan hold his pencil correctly and write his name over and over again is no picnic but when you have to do it to the sound of piano pounding it gets really trying. Well as I started to help Taylor he said, "I think you might be mad at me," Why I asked - not really wanting to know. "Well you know how you ask if I have homework everyday when I come home and I said no, Well I kind of forgot and I did have some. So he had to do some worksheets first before we could get started on his project. At that point I didn't really trust myself to speak so I just walked out.
He had got most of his pop up book done during the week but had to put it together tonight. Rick had told him he would come home at 5:30 to help him do it so I could go to my meeting tonight. Well Rick walked in the door about 10:30 so needless to say I had to miss my meeting and help Taylor finish his book. I was disappointed in myself for getting my hopes up - I should have known things wouldn't have worked out for Rick to be able to get home early.
I really really hate it when teachers assign assanine projects like pop up books. If they want the kids to learn about Lewis and Clark and make a report about them, fine, great. But why does it have to be a pop up book. I searched the Internet for how to make a pop up book. Taylor simply could not remember how his teacher had explained for them to do it. He most likely wasn't paying attention - he admitted it. Anyway so after folding about 1000 sheets of paper this way and that we finally figured it out. Then we needed to print out the pictures. The printer ran out of ink. I was really close to using some language that would warrant a good washing of the mouth. At 9:30 I really didn't want to go to the store to buy ink. I needed to get the kids to bed. Then I remembered Rick was still at work and figured it is a computer company they must have computers there. So I emailed him the pictures and ask him to print them out for me. I don't think he waned to, "Umm -do they need to be in color" he asked" trying to get out of it. Yes was all I said but I think he could tell by the tone of my voice that he better do it. So he did. He even had to download a program to be able to open the attachment I sent him but he did it. Which is a good thing I wouldn't want to know where this night would have ended if I would have been forced to pack up the kids and make a run to walmart at 10:00.
So we finally got the pop up book done, the kids in bed and the dished done and I started typing this. While I know it probably doesn't interest anyone except me I find it helps me calm down to write it all down. Hopefully tomorrow will be better. I think I better go in and go to the bathroom now that I have a minute.
It's tomorrow now. I got up and got Taylor in the shower went running. I came home expecting him to be finishing up his pop up book. He needed to glue in the pictures Rick brought home last night. He was sitting on the couch resting. After a few choices words and stern looks he finished his book. I got lunches made and the kids started on their reading for the day and came in to check my email thinking all was going rather well this morning. There was an email from Taylor's teacher. She had sent a list of his missing assignments and suggested he come in early this morning to work on them. I called Taylor in and pointed to the screen. I didn't really trust myself to speak. "He read it and looked at me. "Well" my eyes said still not wanting to speak. "I know I forgot to tell you, " he said. "Mmm" I said. "I will finish today I promise" he whispered. The look in his eyes was pleading with me to show leniency. "It must all be done before I take you and your friends out, " I said and walked out to grab my keys so I could drive them to school so he could start working on his missing assignments. I don't know what to do I am completely failing as a mother. I can't keep my own life in order let alone that of my children and husband. There are at least 5 people vying for my attention all at the same time, all of the time. Then there is everything else on top of my kids. I have decided what I really need is some help. What I wouldn't give to be Mrs. Brady and have an Alice.
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