Some more ramblings

Every once in a while I listen to Dr. Laura. I find it amusing and encouraging. Some of her answers I feel are spot on, others are plain crazy but all in all I enjoy it. I also tend to revel in the fact that I am not as dumb as some of her callers - it makes me feel good and sometimes we all need that little confidence booster. I am also reminded of how lucky, or blessed I should say, that I am. The fact is I have a really really good life with a wonderful husband, terrific kids and a very supportive family on both sides.

Anyway today I heard a very interesting question. The caller asked if she was wrong to ask her college age son to take out his earring and let the hole grow in. Apparently he had moved across the country to start college and got his ear pierced. The mom did not approve and wanted to know if she was crossing the line by asking her adult son to remove it.

Dr. Laura's answer was very insightful. Not so much about the earring but the concept behind it. She said call up your son and very lovingly tell him that when you are prepared to be responsible for yourself and entirely support yourself you have earned the freedom to make all your own choices and live the standards and values you deem appropriate. Until that time you must live by the standards I set. The boy was to have the choice of getting a job to pay his own tuition and living expenses so that he was completely supporting himself, or to continue accepting his Mothers financial support along with her rules.

Now it may seem a bit overboard to stop helping your son pay for college because he chooses to get his ear pierced but I deeply believe in the idea that with responsibility comes freedom. If you want the freedom to do whatever it is you wish you must take the responsibility too. Taylor's karate teacher used to always say the harder you work the more choices you get. It really is true if you want the freedom to choose for yourself you must work hard enough to take care of yourself. When you take help from others you loose a bit of freedom.

I think this may be the driving force behind the problem of entitlement that I have been pondering about and wrote about a few weeks ago. All too often people want to have their cake and eat it too. It just doesn't work that way. You don't get everything the Jones have unless you do everything the Jones did to get it. It simply isn't right to expect others to take care of you and not exert a bit of their influence over you.

The little saying that there is no such thing as a free lunch is really true. Free money isn't really free you bought it with a bit of your freedom. At least that is the way it should work. I had a discussion with a friend of mine today who is very upset with the idea that someone should have the right to judge others. She thinks it is wrong for someone, anyone to judge other people circumstances and make a call on what kind of help, if any, they receive. She believes that if someone asks for help then they should be given that help with no strings attached. She argued that people may find themselves needing help for a wide variety of reasons, some may not be their fault and they should not have to subject themselves to the scrutiny of being judged before they are helped.

Everyone's situation is different there is no doubt about that. I guess I just think that as humiliating and humbling as it is to ask for help you shouldn't expect to get it without giving up a little bit of something. And that something is your privacy, self respect and some decision making rights. My friend thinks it is ridiculous that any help should come with conditions. She believes she should receive money for the asking without having someone come in and invade her privacy in order to verify the need. Once given the money she believes she should be allowed to use it in any way she wishes without having to report to anyone. I completely disagree with this. If someone is going to give you money they have every right to verify that the need is justified and then to put stipulations on the way you use their money. And they have a right to make sure those stipulations are followed. It is after all their money you are using. Beggars can not be choosers.

If you agree to accept help from others you are agreeing to live by the terms they set. That is what is so scary to me about all these government programs, bail outs and most of all the health care bill that is being discussed. While it may be nice to have the government take care of me I don't want their money at the price of my freedom.

I believe that is one reason our church leaders caution us so strongly to avoid situations where we must rely on others to support us. President Bensen said that accepting money you have not worked for is character weakening. He also cautioned that you lose your dignity and your self respect when you accept unearned welfare assistance. At least that is how is should be viewed, I am not so sure people really view it as that big of a deal anymore. Perhaps another reason we are so strongly cautioned against government welfare is because of the freedoms we do lose. I fear that we take our freedom for granted far to often, maybe because we have always had it and so have our parents and theirs before them. Maybe we don't value our freedom enough to be outraged when someone offers to buy it. Our freedom should not be up for sale. It should be guarded and protected at any price.

Ezra Taft Benson, “Ministering to Needs through the Lord’s Storehouse System,” Ensign, May 1977, 82