The third grade Bully

There is a bully in the 3rd grade, and he has a special interest in my son. For several months now he has teased and harassed my son. This of course brings out the mother bear in me and I have had many not so kind thoughts about this little ruffian. His teacher and I have had several chats, all the boys involved have had several chats and things got better for a few weeks then bam the bullying was back worse than before.

Well from the very beginning my wonderful husband and I have agreed that something must be done, we don't like to see our little guy abused, but we disagree on the way this situation should be handled. While I thought a little ignoring, avoiding, kindness and cheek turning might just do the trick, my very manly husband thought a quick upper cut to his nose might just shut him up. My very intuitive husband was smart enough to know I wouldn't agree with him, so he held his boxing sessions in secret and made the boys promise not to tell me. Luckily my sons told me anyway. I guess they were listening all those times I preached about never trying to hide things from your mother. You know for a long time they actually believed I had eyes in the back of my head, they still may for all I know. Anyway I shut down the boxing ring and begged my sons not to fight, or at least not to throw the first punch. To be honest this was not only due to the pacifist in me but also the size of the bully.

Well things got especially bad this week - lots and lots of teasing and pushing and then a punch in the face on the way home from school. So the next morning before school I called his teacher to discuss it again. His teacher promised they would talk - and talk they did. It was an insightful talk. His teacher learned some new information that he passed on to me, he told me that my son has promised to come home and enlighten me. So I patiently waited to hear from my son. Well he came home just like always and said his day was fine. He wasn't to forthcoming but with a little prompting from me he confessed that he had also been part of the problem and had teased back. His teacher had told me that he had used the "B" word, so I was waiting for him to confess to this. He rattled off a bunch of silly names he had called the boy but none started with B. So when he was done I asked, "anything else, did you call him any other names, maybe one that started with a B"
"Oh, Oh, you mean that one, I forgot I called him the "B" word", He stammered.
"And just what is the B word", I said.
"Well you know, the B word, I don't think I should say it." was his reply.
I assured him I had heard it before and could handle it.
So he finally gave in and blurted out, I called him a Bum" Well my immediate thought was amusement, the "B" word was Bum. Then I was relieved- whew, he is still my innocent little boy I thought. But then I thought some more, I don't know that if his teacher would really consider bum the "B" word. So I pressed, "does you teacher think bum is the B word. After much hesitation and embarrassment he finally admitted that he had also called him a bitch. (sorry to you with innocent burning ears for using such language-I just didn't want any confusion over what the "B" word was) Well now that put things in a different light. My innocent little picked on, perfect son was a foul mouthed, deceitful bully too. It was quite a let down. I probably no longer qualify for mother of the year.

So now what to do about it. My son immediately started begging me not to tell Dad, he just knew if Dad found out he would be grounded for a long time, like maybe a week. He did think that 1 or two days would be ok, he could handle that but not a week. Well I was a bit miffed that he thought Dad was so much stricter than Mom. I can be pretty strict and to be honest I thought in this situation I would win the bad guy contest. I am not known as the meanest mom on the block (at least by my children) for nothing. So I waited for my hardworking husband to get home, I waited and waited and waited. It was bedtime and still no Dad so I called him and we discussed the situation and punishment. While we both definitely don't like our son going around with a mouth like a sailor, the bad language wasn't the most alarming part to us. So we decided to ground him for what bothered us the most which was his lying and deceitfulness. He had told us for months that he never did anything back and he was getting bullied for absolutely no reason. When finally confronted he tried to avoid telling me what had been going on. It wasn't until I told him I had talked to his teacher that he finally fessed up. And then he tried to sneak a "bum" in there. Like I don't know the difference between bum and bitch. I have been around a bit after all. My son was right, my "meanie" husband thought a couple days to a week of being grounded sounded like a fair punishment. I on the other hand thought this was a serious infraction that needed serious grounding. So I voted for 2 days of grounding for using bad language and 2 weeks of grounding for lying and being deceitful. It was agreed upon and I handed out the punishment. Boy you would have thought his appendix had just burst or something. He let out the most awful scream and started sobbing, the shoulder shaking, crocodile tears sobbing that breaks your heart. But I was strong, and just told him I loved him and that he better get a book he enjoyed at the library because he would have plenty of time for reading. Then I went in my bedroom and cried.